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Personal log. Lt. Donovan, TSN Lancer 2nd Fleet, 4th Light Division.
“Don’t spend your money on that today. We can come back tomorrow to buy it if you still want it then.”
(Words of wisdom that my mother told me many years ago, when I wanted to spend all of my saved allowance on a remotely-controlled, fully-detailed, 1/1000 scale mock-up of the TSN Avenger.)“Don’t make any rash decisions today. Sleep on it. You can still enlist tomorrow.”
(Words of wisdom a dear friend imparted to me the day before I signed on with the TSN.)Some of the clichés become altruisms when the advice stays relevant for so long. Although, I suspect that the crew of the Lancer is unaware of my experience with that remote-controlled model. They only know that I always say, “It’s not going to be pretty,” every time they ask me if I would take the helm.
So… let me recap the events of the duty shift of 1417-2237:
My first shift as Duty Officer. Second rotation keeping the officers in line. First rotation was as Assistant Duty Officer for the weeks leading up to the ancient Earth holidays still celebrated by many in the fleet.
Lancer has another officer assigned to her. Lt Roshin Das is now a permanent member of the crew. I don’t know if there’s ever been a time when Lancer has had 5 assigned officers and a captain. This should be interesting.
A lot of officers and cadets called up for today’s mission. So many, that we fully crewed 5 ships. As Duty Officer, I found myself assigning crew to ships that I knew would end up having a dedicated Comms officer. I could only wonder what kind of important situation would require this many able bodies.
I soon found out. Escort duty. *&%@!
How many officers sat idle at their stations because Comms officers weren’t really needed with a fleet Comms officer responsible for the convoy movements; or Weapons officers who were unfortunately on ships tasked with close escort to the convoy and had nothing but friendlies to target and nothing to fire on; or Engineering officers who had nothing to do because no systems EVER needed boosting or repairing? How long did they sit staring blankly at their consoles? Or, did they find themselves wandering off the bridge looking for something… anything to occupy them? At least the Interceptors had something to do when small enemy fleets did appear. What does it say when the warm-up and cool-down simulations are more exciting than the actual mission?
That brings up the next point. Our cool-down simulation was an escort duty mission that, oddly, wasn’t an exercise in boredom. Many enemy fleets, most of which had heavy ships, surrounding our position while our warships deftly maneuvered a small civilian fleet out of the sector. Finally, some excitement!
Lt. Cdr Aposine was called upon to test his Fleet Command skills and ships’ crews were encouraged to sit at non-primary stations, which is how I ended up on Engineering at the end. It’s quite different than the Science station. Almost a bit claustrophobic. At least on Science, I have the big picture. I don’t necessarily see what’s going on right in front of the ship (which causes some consternation when I don’t yet realize that Helm and Weapons can’t see the cloaked ship whose scan information I have staring me in the face). However, I do see the movements of the enemy and friendly ship formations. I know, roughly, when our engagement will begin. When I’m in Engineering, my first clue is hearing the shields go up.
I guess this is why I never saw it coming. Friendly fire. AGAIN.
It might be argued that “technically” it wasn’t friendly fire if nothing came out of their tubes or beam turrets. I’d argue that any deliberate action performed that causes the damage, destruction, or death of another ship or crew would suffice for that classification. That it was premeditated and performed with probable malice makes it even worse.
Yes, it was Phoenix, once again. The very same ship that caused flashbacks for me months ago, for pretty much the same reasons. They took out Lancer before I even knew they were near us.
“Calm down, lieutenant.”
“It was only a simulation, lieutenant.”It might have been only a simulation, but these exercises aren’t just to test our combat tactics and efficiency or to allow us to get some time in on other stations. This is the TSN version of a team-building exercise. Antics like these don’t promote unit cohesion. They do the opposite. Who wants a captain that regularly practices in rogue maneuvers entering their combat area? Who’d blame a crew for not responding with urgency to requests for help from such a ship?
Now, I find myself mixed with equal portions of numbness and rage. Numbness from the escort mission, and rage because of the betrayal. (Yes, let’s call it for what it was.) I never knew you could mix these two emotions. Aren’t they supposed to be antithetical?
I need to take action. Some action. Any action.
“Don’t make any rash decisions without sleeping on them first. You’ll gain a little perspective and, if it’s still important to you, you can still make the decision tomorrow.”
In combat, we train so our actions and responses are decisive. This isn’t combat, and I’ve slept on it. I’m still filled with numbness and rage. I’ve already typed the letter to my captain requesting some extended time off. I can’t bear the thought of going out on yet another escort mission. I’ve got other things in my personal life I’d rather be doing – I think I’ve put off that root canal for too long, for example.
If I’m absent, it would also affect my rotation as Duty Officer. Because of this, I’ve already typed my letter to the Office of Personnel, informing them that I will be unable to fulfill these responsibilities for the rest of this rotation, which might be for the best. I don’t think my career would survive a situation where I couldn’t gain control of my tongue before it was too late.
I haven’t sent the letters… yet.
Maybe I need another tomorrow to think about sending them. Maybe a couple of tomorrows.
//Matsiyan was agonising after his stint in CIC, because he had reasons why events went the way they went in the mission he GM’d, but he was still finding his way around the controls, and wasn’t able to send the sort of messages he wanted, which might have explained what was going on.
//That’s why he put in the Black Box: he wants to write up the explanation as part of his log, with the excuse that the contents have been decoded by Intel.
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