Like the story. Some great ideas in there. Just a couple of things/ edits:
was on ration at the few remaining
Should this read ‘was on station’?
Would it be alright to just rephrase a couple of things when I post it up to? For example:
He was desperately wanting to recount the last duty shift in some way.
Just a minor change to:
‘He desperately wanted to recount the last shift in some way’
I hope you don’t mind me critiquing; my aim is to be constructive. The stuff you’re producing is great.